I have no idea how I'm feeling actually. I have a sense of ennui, of going nowhere, stuck like a bug in amber.
I have so much I want to do and yet, I can't. I want to be around people and yet, I want to be alone. I have lots to say, but it's all meaningless, like this post.
I haven't been working on my writing like I should, but the domestic situation isn't conducive to writing. There's too much negative energy around me. I am forced to be around people when I need my space. I have to deal with noise a lot, and I need quiet.
I've made some new friends and have actually gone out to do fun things. The good feeling I have when I'm having fun doesn't last long once I get back to where I'm staying.
I need a job, something that is scarce around here. I have signed up with so many different job search sites I've lost count! My looks, my gender and my age are working against me no matter what anyone says to the contrary. I am working on going to school online so I can continue my search for work. I can only hope my financial aid will pay for most, if not all, of the bill for the school.
I have needs that aren't being met in a myriad of ways. I miss my husband more every time I get a letter from him. He's down to 18 months, but those 18 months seem like a lifetime to both of us.
I am seriously contemplating getting some more tattoos put on me, a neighbor does them and is willing to "practice" on me. Not so sure how I feel about that. I am also contemplating giving myself a belly button ring. I pierced my own ears so why should piercing my own belly be any different? I can be careful and not puncture anything important. Hell, I have so much belly fat I couldn't hit the abdominal wall if I wanted to!
Seriously, something big needs to change in my life and soon before I go nuts and do something permanent to myself. My numerological forecast says this is my year for good things to happen but so far, I haven't seen sign of this being true. Maybe they're like weather forecasts, right only a small percentage of the time?
I'll end this rant now.
I have so much I want to do and yet, I can't. I want to be around people and yet, I want to be alone. I have lots to say, but it's all meaningless, like this post.
I haven't been working on my writing like I should, but the domestic situation isn't conducive to writing. There's too much negative energy around me. I am forced to be around people when I need my space. I have to deal with noise a lot, and I need quiet.
I've made some new friends and have actually gone out to do fun things. The good feeling I have when I'm having fun doesn't last long once I get back to where I'm staying.
I need a job, something that is scarce around here. I have signed up with so many different job search sites I've lost count! My looks, my gender and my age are working against me no matter what anyone says to the contrary. I am working on going to school online so I can continue my search for work. I can only hope my financial aid will pay for most, if not all, of the bill for the school.
I have needs that aren't being met in a myriad of ways. I miss my husband more every time I get a letter from him. He's down to 18 months, but those 18 months seem like a lifetime to both of us.
I am seriously contemplating getting some more tattoos put on me, a neighbor does them and is willing to "practice" on me. Not so sure how I feel about that. I am also contemplating giving myself a belly button ring. I pierced my own ears so why should piercing my own belly be any different? I can be careful and not puncture anything important. Hell, I have so much belly fat I couldn't hit the abdominal wall if I wanted to!
Seriously, something big needs to change in my life and soon before I go nuts and do something permanent to myself. My numerological forecast says this is my year for good things to happen but so far, I haven't seen sign of this being true. Maybe they're like weather forecasts, right only a small percentage of the time?
I'll end this rant now.
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